


Because I Already Know I'll Lose You

by J_Rydges



Series: Somebody To Die For [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cutting, Death, Depression, Guilt, Suicidal Stiles, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:02:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Rydges/pseuds/J_Rydges
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>' “I’m fine.” Stiles had said, when it first began to show through.</p><p>But he wasn't, and he knew Derek could sense it.</p><p>The other wolves had been too young to recognize the signs of a rapidly growing sickness. Isaac had his suspicions, and Scott knew something was changing faster in him than before, but they didn't know what it could be. After all, his sickness wasn't like Gerard’s.</p><p>No, Gerard’s sickness was slower, and gave them more time to figure out what the scent meant. Stiles’ sickness had been a faster developing sickness, and extremely painful. '</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I Already Know I'll Lose You

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry.

Derek had watched Stiles battle his demons for years now, but he never knew how to help. He never knew what he could do to save the younger boy from himself, and from those around him. It was never good enough. _He_ was never good enough. Not for Stiles, anyway. And he never would be.

He would never have the chance to be good enough for Stiles anymore, because he had run out of time.

The truth was, Stiles was too good for him. Even as the demons tore his soul apart, slicing through his layers and leaving his weaknesses bore unto the world, no matter how hard he tried to hide them. He was too pure, yet emotionally wrecked, for Derek to even consider realistically.

“I’m fine.” Stiles had said, when it first began to show through.

But he wasn't, and he knew Derek could sense it. 

The other wolves had been too young to recognize the signs of a rapidly growing sickness. Isaac had his suspicions, and Scott knew something was changing faster in him than before, but they didn't know what it could be. After all, his sickness wasn't like Gerard’s. 

No, Gerard’s sickness was slower, and gave them more time to figure out what the scent meant. Stiles’ sickness had been a faster developing sickness, and extremely painful. 

“What happened?” Isaac had asked one day, having caught Stiles before he left after Lacrosse training.

“What happened with what?” He had asked in confusion.

“With your wrists.” Isaac had answered, and the sheer panic had washed over the young boys face in a wave, his heart kick starting into a rapid pace as he looked around quickly, making sure that no one heard a single word of what the puppy faced boy had said.

“Nothing.”

He had walked away, effectively ending the conversation right then and there. But in all honesty, Isaac should never have let him. He should have noticed the panic, and the pace of Stiles’ heart. He should never have even asked if he wasn't prepared to make the boy stay there and talk about it; make sure he knew that he could come to Isaac if her ever needed too, maybe even suggest talking about it with the guidance counselor. 

Maybe then Stiles would have still been there. Of course, no one blamed Isaac, but he believed they did. It was, after all, his final trigger.

A harsh ending to a pure life.

In the end, Stiles had smiled. He had pretended that he was still okay, for his father’s sake. He didn't want to let him know just how much pain he was dealing with. How much pain he had been _constantly_ dealing with.

He had wanted it to seem like he died peacefully, when in reality he should have seemed terrified and in agony. Because that’s how he was. He didn't want to affect those around him after he was gone, so he put up a front and went out the same way he had been for years.

Even as the blood flowed freely from the veins riddled throughout his body, like the roots of an old tree, he had smiled softly. And although he was putting up a front, and pretending to be okay, there was a small part of him that was genuinely happy about this. That was genuinely okay with the idea of eternal rest. Of simply laying in a grave, peacefully, patiently waiting for the rest of his friends and family to join him without all the death and destruction of life above ground. 

But still, he was pretending.

Pretending to be okay. To be fine. To be everything everyone expected of him, without the emotions that should have showed through the cracking surface. Without the tears, and the scars and the pain. Without the fears, and the guilt and the blame of every wrong thing that most people would have forgotten. He was pretending to be everything he wasn't, for the people he cared about.

Derek could sense the absolute torture Stiles had been living through, before he was simply gone. There were no more chances to try and help him through it, or to bring him back, and there never would be again.

Stiles was no more, and all of a sudden, everyone cared.

His father blamed himself for not paying enough attention to his son; Scott blamed himself for being too caught up in his own life and the return of his father after the Alpha’s and Jennifer had left; Isaac for not stopping him, calling him back, doing _something_ to help; Derek for simply leaving him to sort out his own feelings, believing that he would be fine without the newly demoted werewolf; Lydia for not paying more attention to the boy, even after their kiss; Peter, for his usual flippancy towards Stiles; and Allison, for not listening.

Everyone felt guilty over a decision that a young boy had made about his own life. Everyone felt guilty, and had tried to talk about his worth, and his free personality when it came their time, but to Derek it felt wrong. The boy had been hiding a fire inside of his soul, and while everyone talked so wonderfully of the boy, Derek simply stood and listened, and when it came Derek to speak about that particular boy, he refused.

He refused to simply lie straight to the faces of the ones that Stiles had loved, no less, and tell them of how happy he had been. How he used to laugh, and joke and smile, when really, the boy had been held together simply by the fact that he had managed to keep it all a secret.

Derek knew that one day it would all weigh too heavily on the younger boy's shoulders, and he would leave, but he never thought it would happen the way it had. He never thought anyone could actually make the decision to take their own life because they thought they had nothing left to live for anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me.
> 
> tumblr: decompliment.tumblr.com


End file.
